If you have ever made the fatal mistake of going into the grocery store when you are starving, we all know what happens. We make poor food choices and end up with several things we do not need or really want. We end up with sugar-laden junk that may satisfy hunger for a moment, but is not really filling long term. Dating is similar. When we are hungry for love and desperately seeking a connection with someone, anyone, we do not make good decisions. We are working on a scarcity mindset that says I want it now, not what is good for me or what do I really need in life. When we approach relationships in this manner, we tend to be disappointed rather quickly. Subconsciously, we may just be trying to fill a void, not find a serious relationship. By contrast, approaching a relationship with a healthy mindset is like going to the store with a list and shopping in a healthy manner. We have control when we approach anything with the right mindset.
Below are signs that you may be approaching relationships from desperation, not a focused mindset:
We have all made the comment about others that they could do better, but out of desperation, maybe you are settling as well. Settling is dating or staying with someone who just does not make you feel all you are capable of feeling. Perhaps you are afraid to voice opinions, wants, and needs because you do not want to be considered “difficult” for your new potential love. Others date down because they want their partner to look up to them for their status in various areas so they will be thankful enough to stay in the relationship. However, dating down rarely leads to anything that is long-term and healthy. It is most commonly associated with desperation or other issues.
If you enter relationships and immediately feel like something will derail it at some point or always blame yourself when a relationship ends, then you likely have relationship anxiety. When you have an anxious approach to relationships you will feel a constant need for attachment and reassurance, especially when things are not going exactly as planned. People with this issue are often love-obsessed and desperate, feeling empty without the connection. This is never the base of a healthy, long-term relationship.
When we are hungry, for food or love, we can rationalize almost anything. This is the choice to buy chips and ice cream convincing yourself that if eaten in moderation you will be fine. While this is true, it is unlikely that you will eat anything in moderation when really hungry. The same is true of love. When we go in hungry, we rationalize settling for misaligned values to avoid loneliness. You may know your partner is falling short, but rationalize that this is better than nothing. This is not the way to have a healthy relationship.
Dating is Priority
Being desperate for love often makes dating a priority over everything, including self-care. This can be dangerous because you are filling a personal void with relationships or dates. If you fail to care for yourself first, you cannot be fully available to others, which is unfair. When you sacrifice too much of yourself like self-care and time with friends means you will be too depleted to truly be there for a relationship. This can happen when desperate, but it ruins the foundation for a true relationship long-term.
Being desperate means, you will rush the typical relationship milestones or jump from one relationship to another without really learning from what happened before. Both scenarios tend to lead to failed partnerships and the things listed above. Moving too fast can even hurt others as friends, family, and children can be involved too soon and then negatively affected when it ends. The intensity of the yearning may create challenges too early in a relationship. If you are unhappy in life and feel a relationship will correct it, then you are heading quickly into disappointing.
Before you give up on love completely, take some time to find contentment with yourself. Get professional help if needed. Wait for love until you are ready to give and receive love fully.