I felt deeply hurt by several people I dated and sometimes thought I would never date again. My fiancé and I also broke up and got back together more than once. I was upset after each breakup because the relationship felt special to me. If you’re thinking about trying again, that feeling is one part of the decision.
On this page
Name what led to the breakup
Ask each other what made the relationship hard to stay in. Distance, a shared responsibility or repeated disrespect can call for different choices. If you cannot agree on every detail, try naming one thing you each want to understand before restarting.
Look for a change you can observe
Ask what the two of you would do differently on an ordinary day. “We’ll handle it better” is hard to assess. “We’ll take a short break when we start shouting and agree on when to come back” gives you something to try and review.
Make room for concerns from people who care
Friends and family may remember how hard the breakup was for you. You can listen to what they saw and make your own choice. Consider any specific examples they raise, especially if they describe fear, intimidation or a boundary you stopped feeling free to set.
Choose a pace and a stopping point
You can spend time together while keeping separate routines or agree to talk again before changing your living situation. Decide what you would do if the same pattern returns. A decision to stay apart is available even if you still care about one another.