Couples have asked me whether practical changes can help a struggling relationship. Start by asking whether you both want to work on the issue and can speak freely about it. Then choose a change small enough to try in daily life.
On this page
Start with one issue
- Describe a specific moment. Say what happened and how it affected you.
- Listen and check what you heard. Give your partner time to tell you what they remember or need.
Share what you need
- Make a request. You might ask for an advance message when plans change or some time to yourself after work.
- Clarify what you know. If you heard something secondhand, ask a direct question when you can do so safely.
Choose a small agreement
- Choose a next step together. Share the effort and make sure you each know what you agreed to do.
- Review what happened. Give yourselves a time to check how it felt and whether the change continued.
Take safety and willingness seriously
If one person does not want to continue, respect their decision. If you are facing threats, coercion or fear, reach out privately to someone who can support you. In that situation, a joint discussion may be unsafe.