Though we rarely want to acknowledge such things, the signs of a dying relationship tend to appear quite early. This can be due to early resentments that have been left to fester for years. Then, when a couple splits, most say their problems were never really discussed or resolved healthily. This leaves them feeling criticized or put down and having the same argument repeatedly. This can leave couples detached and create a loss of fondness, love, and admiration over time. Allowing issues to go unresolved can only last so long because the longer they are hidden the more resentment builds. This makes it harder to forgive. A healthy, intimate relationship is built on vulnerability and trust which involves sharing. All couples will have problems, but tools can be developed to deal with them. If you are uncertain of your relationship status, alive or dying, read on to know what signs to look for over time.
If you are arguing over the same things again and again without ever clearing the air or finding resolve, then you may be in a dying relationship. You will both feel you are losing and have to defend what you want and believe.
If your partner is constantly criticizing and leaves you feeling less than or not good enough, it can be the reason a marriage or relationship collapses.
Difficulty with Vulnerability
When you struggle to be vulnerable with your partner or when you are your worst fears are actualized, then the relationship may need to be let go.
Children or Others First
It is exhausting to a marriage to always put your children or friends ahead of your partner. This leaves someone feeling alienated and resentful and can create insecure children.
You Do Not Enjoy the Other’s Family or Friends
It may start as an occasional weeknight out, but socializing away from one another with regularity can be problematic. Free time should be spent and enjoyed with one another for the most part.
Ghosts of Past Relationships
If your past relationships are haunting your current one, then you have a problem. This is often seen as an overreaction to something your partner does that somehow triggers you.
Different Sexual Needs
If either of you have lost interest in intimacy or there is a lack of regular intimacy, then it is a bad sign. Sex is the binding glue in a relationship. It is the way adults play.
A Pursuer-Distancer Pattern
This is actually the leading cause of divorce. Being in a pattern of one person pursuing and the other creating distance can erode both love and trust because emotional and sexual intimacy is highly lacking. This can only be present when in harmony with one another.
You have fallen into the trap of blaming and failing to compromise, much less apologize. The result is less closeness and warmth. To break this cycle, you must become conscious of expectations and talk to your partner calmly and without judgment. Read on to learn about fixing a stagnant or dying relationship.
Fixing the Stagnant Relationship
- Stop Criticizing – Talk about specifics instead of criticizing
- Resolve Issues as They Arise – Don’t put aside resentments because everyone has conflict. Take responsibility, avoid defensiveness, and get through the issue as soon as possible.
- Increase Sex and Affection – Physical contact releases oxytocin to calm and ease pain. This is released during sensual touch or orgasm which can keep the relationship on track.
- Nurture Fondness and Admiration – Remind yourself of the good things about your partner and express these feelings out loud.
Search for common ground rather than always wanting your way. Open communication can go a long way to helping a relationship recover. Always keep realistic expectations, but talk through issues that do arise. This will benefit your relationship.