Society has plenty to say about what makes for a great relationship. People tend to use that as a comparison and try to emulate what they perceive to be the perfect coupling. However, every relationship is different and some old-fashioned ideas may not work for you. There is nothing wrong with that or with you.
There are 13 things long considered “taboo” that may be better options for you and your partner. Implementing some of them may create a better relationship.
They are listed below:
- Separate beds or bedrooms.
Some people believe you must sleep together to develop intimacy. However, if your work shifts differ, if one snores of if there is a baby to take care of, sleeping together may not be practical. It is okay to sleep separately. Getting a good night’s rest will help you feel better so you can enjoy your relationship. Clinical psychologist Dr. Josh Klapow of The Web Radio Show said the motivation for sleeping apart is what matters. If it is something that is mutually agreed upon, it is fine. Doing it because you don’t feel close to your partner or want intimacy is a symptom of a deeper issue.
- Socializing separately. Many people think this shows there is a problem in the relationship. Actually, it shows both can have independent lives. It is healthy to spend some time apart to pursue your own interests and hobbies, according to certified counselor Jonathan Bennett.
- Having different hobbies. While you want to take an interest in your partner’s hobbies and want them to be involved with yours, it is also okay to have separate interests. Bennett says doing some things separately can be healthy as long as you also share meaningful time together. It also provides something for you to talk about later.
- Not communicating during the day. Sure it’s romantic to text or call during a break, but some people don’t need it. It could be hard to reach your partner or for them to reach you, particularly if you have a busy career or a particular schedule limiting communication. Enjoying something and telling your partner about it later can be meaningful and make life together more interesting, Bennett said.
- Tackling sensitive subjects. It is taboo to talk about things the other person is sensitive about. Yet, you should be able to bring up something if it weighs on you mind. No one should ever fear approaching their partner about a subject and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it, according to psychologist Dr. Julie Gurner. These types of conversations can bring you closer, she said.
- Keeping secrets. While there are things you shouldn’t keep from your partner, having a few secrets is acceptable, according to Colby Marie Z, a sex and relationship coach. You don’t have to be an open book to have a strong romantic relationship. In fact, a few secrets can create mystery that will bring some excitement to the relationship.
- Going on vacation alone. While some older people would say this is looking for trouble, there are many couples who find it relaxing to spend some time alone or with friends. Time away can improve the relationship because you miss and learn to appreciate each other. However, make sure you are in a strong, committed, trusting relationship and that your partner is on board with the idea. Be open about where you’re going, you are joining you and other plans.
- Talking money. This is one of the most uncomfortable things to do, but needs to be done pretty early in the relationship and ongoing in a long-term relationship. Everyone views money and spending differently and its important to be on the same page. It is also important to know what the budget would look like if you move into a committed relationship. Many relationship problems and divorce start over money, who makes more, who spends it and priorities.
- Talk dirty. This can add some spark to your sex life. Letting go of inhibitions can be freeing and giving instructions to your partner of what you want and what you want to do to them can produce more fulfilling sex, according to Beverlu Hills psychotherapist Dr. Gran Walfish. Just make sure your partner is on board with it and won’t be offended before you try it out.
- Experimenting in sex. This can add fun to a relationship if they are comfortable with it and the boundaries they set, according to Davida Rappaport, psychic and spiritual advisor. There are games and toys that can liven up intimacy and help both relax. As long as both agree on boundaries, Rappaport said it is perfectly fine.
- Ignoring each other at home. You don’t have to greet your partner at the door with a kiss every night. Both of you are busy and relish your downtime. You both may want to go to separate rooms to listen to music or watch television. That’s okay as long as both understand it isn’t about them.
- Showing your emotions. Some people still have issues with showing emotions. This is particularly true for men. Even so, people need a relationship where it is comfortable and natural to share your deepest feelings.
Andy Duggan, a psychology lecturer at Middlesbrough College in the United Kingdom states a relationship that includes a man stone-walling, not emotionally responsive to the woman’s concerns, is more likely to break up. Breaks ups also happen when either partner makes excuses for their behavior or refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
13. Long distance relationships. People may not understand why you would have a long-distance relationship, but it isn’t for them to decide. Dating expert Heather Elbert said such relationships can be beneficial. It can force you to express yourself with words because you just have the phone or computer to communicate. It also makes you more articulate about your life and your love for each other. It makes your time together more meaningful. Generally, this status is meant to last forever and you may decide to live closer together, but you have created habits that will give lasting benefits.
Some standards for a relationship are helpful in making it better. Things like sharing your faith practices, eating dinner together or having date nights are all good. That doesn’t mean you have to implement all previous standards to your relationship. Don’t be afraid to forget some rules and do what is best for your relationship, even if they are “taboo.”