People want to be connected with other people, but some people have commitment issues and have a hard time making real connections with people.
These commitment issues can happen because of someone facing trauma, having something wrong in their mental illness or just because they don’t like to be close to others.
No matter the reasons, there are some signs of someone that might not want to make a strong connection with others:
Making Plans
A person that has a hard time committing with others will not make short term plans, but they will often make plans that are at least a week or more away.
They don’t want to have to have someone in their life all the time and they like their freedom with their schedule. This means that they do not really want to make real or concrete plans with someone.
Close Friends
When a person has a commitment issue, they often don’t want to make close friends. They will go out in groups and have fun with others, but when it comes to deep friendships, they don’t want to invest the time in this.
Some people are afraid of having this and they are happy with doing just what they do.
Short Relationships
Keeping a long-term relationship for someone with commitment issues is hard. Having these kinds of relationships mean that you have to sacrifice things in your life and sometimes it can be hard.
If you want to be friends or have a relationship, you need to find someone that you can value and that values you.
A person that cannot commit will often want to stay in a relationship while it is in the honeymoon phase and when things are easy but when it starts to get hard, they bail. They also have a hard time for accepting blame when a relationship ends, and it is never their fault.
Labeling and Commitment Language
When someone has a commitment issue, they often have a hard time using language to describe their relationships with people. This can be past or present relationships.
These people might not want to have a long-term partner and if they do, they might not call them their girlfriend or their boyfriend because they don’t want to have attachments. They enjoy relationships that have no strings and if the relationship starts to get serious, they will often avoid them and ghost them.
No Personal Commitments
A person that will sabotage their own relationships is one that cannot commit. They will get rid of the responsibilities of having to work towards a long-term relationship and they will behave certain ways to make people not want to be around them.
They are people that often don’t want to commit to others or to themselves.
Being Unavailable
Some people are only attracted to people that are not available to them. A person that is unavailable is someone that is already dating someone or someone that cannot commit due to work or school. They also might be someone that has just ended a past relationship, and they haven’t healed yet.
A person that cannot commit will go from one person to the next so that they don’t ever have to really give themselves to the relationship.
Picky
Some people are very picky in who they choose to be in their life. They are often people with commitment issues. They have positive and negative things about them but they don’t want to work hard to make long-term relationships work and so they have a hard time forgiving them or finding common ground.
When someone is very picky in their tastes, they do this because they have a defense mechanism to keep people from getting close to them.
Stringing You Along
It is hard for some people to change their view and their judgements of others when they are dating. They often see things from one perspective and if they want something to be good, they overlook the flaws and red flags.
When you look at a new relationship or friendship, you need to see more about that person. Do they make time for you or are they always giving you a reason as to why they can’t hang out?
A person that wants to get to know you will not make excuses, but they will do what they can to try to figure out what makes you happy and how you tick.
Poor Communication
There are many reasons that people have a hard time communicating and one of the biggest reasons is because they cannot commit to you. They have a hard time talking and they want to keep a distance.
They might not answer their calls when you call, or they might choose to not answer you back. This happens because they do not want to take time to invest in the relationship with you.
Love the Chase
A person that loves to bounce from relationship to relationship has a commitment issue and even though they seem to date a lot of people, it isn’t about having someone, it is about chasing them.
They might always want to go out clubbing or go pick up women at the bar. They might have a hard time dealing with long term commitments with people that they like.
Some people have commitment issues, and this doesn’t mean they are bad people, they just don’t want to have to be tied down to other people. They don’t want to live their life tied to someone and they want to have freedom.
The problem is when someone is with them and they are confused about their commitment issues. When this happens, it can cause the other person to get hurt because they expect them to commit and to care about them.
Overcoming Commitment Problems
If you are someone that has commitment issues, you need to get help getting over those. There is no real solution that fits everyone, but you need to look at why you are acting the way that you are acting and learn to identify what happened in your life.
You might have a fear of getting hurt and maybe you were a child and your parents had commitment issues. This could make you think that all relationships will fail.
Chances are that you are a perfectionist, and you feel that you cannot be who you are while in a relationship. There are many other things that can cause people to not want to be committed. If you aren’t sure why you feel that way, look at your life and see where all of those feelings came from.
Be True
Take time to look at yourself and be true with yourself. What would make you happy? Why do you feel that you are not able to be with others or to commit to good relationships?
Do not fool yourself or allow yourself to let this go. We all experience life and relationships differently and when you look at other people and let them in, you will see that life is happier.
Being with people allows you to grow and allows you to find out new things about life.
Anxiety and Commitment
Whenever you don’t want to commit to someone, chances are that you let stress and anxiety talk you out of it. You need to learn to look at things from a calm perspective.
Having anxiety is one thing that can happen when you don’t know what the future holds. This is a chance that you have to take in life. No relationship is guaranteed to last forever but if you don’t give life a chance, you will miss out on happy moments.
What expectations do you have for relationships? What would make you feel happy? Figure out what you want in life and how other people can help you.
Imagine what your life would be like in the future if you don’t ever give in and commit to someone. You do not have to be in control of everything in your life for you to have peace and happiness.
Committing to someone is something you are unaware of, but you need to see if that is better than being alone. Being in a relationship can be scary but when you let the unknowns happen, you can open yourself up to other people.
Making Decisions Boldly
Stress and anxiety about relationships can be hard and this can make it hard for you to make a decision.
If you have decisions and you just don’t want to commit to others, so you stop making decisions will cause you to spend your life alone.
You need to remind yourself that no relationship is perfect and that if you find people that have the same goals and values that you have that you might want to see where the relationship will take you.
Guard against getting hurt but if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life alone, you have to take a chance and decide to commit to people. Be brave and allow yourself to stay calm and to find new love.
Don’t Look to Forever
If you don’t commit to people because you feel like you will be stuck with them for eternity, this isn’t true. You can leave anytime but chances are when you give someone a chance, you will want them in your life.
You don’t make a decision that binds you forever and so if you commit to someone, you don’t have to worry about it being a lifetime. Focus on what is happening now and look at how happy they make you.
Lowering Expectations
Chances are if you don’t want to commit that you have high expectations for people in your life. You might be looking for the perfect person and this will never happen.
If you have never been in a serious relationship, you might have an idea on what you want your partner to be like, but chances are you will never get exactly what you want.
Being in a relationship isn’t going to make your life perfect, either and if you think that you will have the perfect relationship then you will be disappointed. A healthy relationship has many great times but there are also going to be hard times.
Your friends and your partner will have stress or get sick sometimes and sometimes you will not be able to have the romance that you want at the time due to work or other responsibilities. That is just part of life.
Staying in a relationship for the long run will be rewarding but you cannot have unrealistic expectations, or you will miss out on all of the goodness of the relationship.
Stay When the Honeymoon Phase Ends
If you want to see where a relationship is going to go, you have to stay even when things get hard. When the honeymoon phase is over and you have to live real life, this is when the moments count.
Give yourself extra time and keep staying an extra week and then see how the relationship goes. You will get more comfortable, and you will get to the point where you see how much you enjoy other people and how much they mean to you.
Be Committed Until You Feel It
Stay in the relationship until you see how much you need it. You have the option to take action and to commit to someone that you want to be with.
Even if you want to just have romance, go further and start making plans. Let them encourage you and you encourage them.
Talk About Fear with Your Partner
Your partner will know that you have a hard time committing because you will be open and honest to them if you want it to last.
Having honest communication is important and if you are afraid of commitment, let your partner know right away.
This will help them to see that they might need to do things differently and they will learn to understand you and give you the space that you need. If they know what is going on in your life, they will be more patient with you and will be able to understand where you are coming from.
This kind of talk can be hard but once you get the mindset that you care about someone and you are honest, this will change the way that you let your relationship grow. Don’t be afraid to say what you are feeling and do this right away.
Dating Someone that Has a Hard Time Committing
If you want to date osmose and they have a hard time committing, you have to understand that you are entering a hard relationship. It isn’t that they don’t care about you, they just be afraid of commitment.
Here are some things you can do to prepare yourself for these situations:
- Don’t let them go. If you feel that they are not wanting to be with you because they are afraid to commit, let them know that you will fight for them and that they can trust you. They will get better if you don’t give up on them.
- Show them how committed you are to the relationship and let them invest in you as well. If you want to make this work, keep making plans with them and have them follow through.
- Introduce them to your family and friends at a slow pace.
- Don’t make quick moves and don’t try to make the relationship serious right away.
- Let them take the relationship slow and don’t make them feel rushed or worried. This means that you take baby steps and that you don’t bring up future plans right away.
- If you see them struggling, give them time to themselves.
- Let them know that you understand where they are coming from and that you don’t want them to hide what they are feeling from you.
- Allow them to talk to you about things that are hard without getting mad.
- If they haven’t told you that they have a problem with commitment, talk about it in an easy way and find out about their past relationships.
- Always be honest about what you want and what you feel without getting defensive.
- Be patient with them because you are dealing with someone that has issues. You cannot expect that they will change overnight.
Are you still not sure what is going on with your partner, but you feel that they have a problem being committed? If this is the case, you need to talk to someone that can help you such as a friend, family member or a counselor.
When you deal with these kinds of people, you need to be patient and learn to work through situations before you let your heart get too attached. Take time for you and for them to grow, but do not be blinded by their lack of commitment.
